Sorry Virginia, there is no laser show

What you see here is a fake.  Yes, a fraud perpetrated upon the unsuspecting public.  Doctored photos that have been posted online... stories from loved ones, the ones we are supposed to trust...a sham perpetrated by the granite- obsessed public spread far and wide across the state of Georgia.

You might be confused, so let me start at the beginning...

          Let's start at the very beginning
         A very good place to start
         When you read you begin with A-B-C
         When you sing you begin with do-re-mi
                           --The Sound of Music

It all started as an impressionable and fun-loving youth.  The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and I was apparently remembering song lyrics to random musicals that would stay with me for the rest of my life (thank you Julie Andrews). There was a game my brother and I played.  A game that somewhere went horribly wrong.  What happens when mere tomfoolery becomes the bedrock in which one must believe?

The game was quite simple.  Certain things did not exist...
Here are the rules:
     Things do not exist if...
                  #1 We have never seen/experienced them ourselves
                  #2 We had never met anyone that had been there/experienced them themselves

Armed with these two simple rules, the world became a much more fun albeit smaller place.  We quickly decided that Montana and Wyoming did not exist...there are probably only 30 or so states anyways.  Why would people make up the existence of states?  Simple power play, plus everyone likes round numbers.  Fifty states sounds like way better than thirty-one (don't believe me, why do you buy more Subway foot longs at $5 than at $4.95).  This game received much validation when on a road trip, I fell asleep and awoke in Houston County and passed by Houston County High School in "Alabama." The exact places I had left hours before in a state that did exist-Georgia. Still, all that said, it was just a game.

Fast forward to last Friday. I had long heard the tale of the Stone Mountain "Laser Show."  Notice the quotes...My debate partner spoke passionately about the splendor of this supposed show and the "emotions" it evoked. My own wife had long talked about the many wonders of the "laser show."  Finally, last Friday I made my way, a pilgrimage if you will, to THE Stone Mountain Laser Show.  We packed blankets to sit on, bottles of water in the (overly stocked cooler in my opinion, I had to carry it), and found chairs to carry because we apparently needed multiple options for seating.




Stone Mountain-Opiate of the masses

In good faith I made the trek to this overgrown boulder in the hopes to view lights in all of their laser-like glory. But alas, the laser show never occurred. In retrospect, I am not surprised.  For years, conversations went like this:

     Me: I've never seen the laser show.
     Laser show enthusiast:  What?!!!! You've NEVER SEEN the laser show!!!!

My message to you...Neither have you my friend.  Neither have you. True, those at the park all seemed surprised and disappointed by the absence of lights directed at said mountain.  And rain, thunder and lightning seem on their face to be reasonable enough reasons to cancel a "laser show."  I still say it was a trick.

                         I don't appreciate your ruse ma'am.
                  I beg your pardon?
                 Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
                                        --Clerks

Here was my laser show...

Notice if you will the specks on the lens.  No, they are NOT lasers!  That is water aka rain aka pouring rain accompanied by electricity that flies through the air with intent to harm your person (that just sounds bad, there ought to be a law).

You know, its not really me that I'm worried about.  I always knew this was a possibility.  The laser show a gigantic laser con, passed on to unsuspecting tourists around the greater Atlanta area.  A wild, desperate attempt to drive tourism; taking money for parking and providing no artistically driven laser entertainment for the masses.

"You grow up the way I did, you gosta undastand Trick love the kids."
                     --Trick Daddy







As we all know its the kids that pay the price.  Unsuspecting, with a child-like naivete they stood so proudly in anticipation of the lights that would not come.  Who would perpetrate such a thing upon the children?  Who would stand up and say...Sorry Virginia, there is no laser show *sniff*