I Used to be Fat (or How I Lost Weight)

I just paid someone $50 for the privilege of running 26.2 miles. Yep, that just happened. If you have known me over the last decade, you are probably thinking that doesn’t sound much like Paul. If you don’t know me, I have a confession to make. I used to be fat.

  June 2010            

               In the last 2 years, I have lost 70 pounds. No, you didn’t miss seeing me on the Biggest Loser. I would have bragged loudly enough that you would have already heard about that one.  I have had a lot of people ask me how I lost the weight. Apparently, there was even a rumor that I had surgery to lose it. No, I didn’t have surgery. I had neither the money nor the inclination to do such. For those that choose to get the surgery (and there are several various procedures), I think that is fine. Many have had great success in using the surgery route. It is just not the route that I chose.

                As I looked back over the last few years (dripping sweat post speed workout), I thought about how I got going and got motivated. One of the greatest decisions of my life was to stop the thing that was killing me on a daily basis. Here are the highlights, or lowlights depending on how you look at them.

                                            March 2012

I Started

*Every journey starts with the first step. Trite I know, but certainly true. Anytime I’m up off the couch and NOT stuffing my face was a step in the right direction. I had said hundreds of times, “I need to lose weight,” or “I’ll get started next week.” The difference was made when I just started.

*I stopped worry about what others think. The purpose of a gym is to get in shape. Even though the favorite pastime in gyms seems to be gawking/judging others around you, at the end of the day you are there for you, not what others think of you.

*I found motivation. Shows like Biggest Loser, Heavy, and I Used to be Fat are shows of amazing transformations that involve people that make the exact same excuses that I do. If a woman can lose 200lbs and get her life back, why couldn’t I? If a man can lose the same and run a marathon, why can’t I?

I Got Mad

*Talking with a friend, I discovered one big truth. My weight isn’t offensive to me. I don’t really have to see myself all that much when you think about it. I found a picture of myself that showed just how big I was. I was offended! I got mad. How could I have let myself look like this?

*I realized my life and my goals didn’t match. As a Pastor and more importantly a Christian, my goal in life is to lead others to Christ. What I found was I didn’t look like a person that I would want to follow anywhere. As my cousin pointed out, if they did follow me, they would catch me pretty easily.

*I got embarrassed. I will be heading to Monroe, GA for a vbs/sports camp soon. The last time I was there, two years ago, I was politely asked to sleep in a different room. My snoring was so loud, no one could sleep. My choice for gluttony had sentenced me in a very public way.

I Changed My Lifestyle

*I stopped treating myself like a dog. When a dog does well, he gets a treat. Americans are much the same. When we celebrate, we eat- a lot.

*I practiced self control. I’m blessed enough to know where my next meal is coming from. There is no need to shove the entire buffet table down my throat. I don’t need seconds, thirds or fourths.

*I was wise with my calories. If I'm going to eat a desert, it has to be worth it. Just because food is present doesn't mean it needs to be digested.

I Refused to be “Skinny Fat”

*I didn’t want to just lose weight. Being a smaller pants size and still breathing hard on a walk to my car was not the life I wanted. I pushed myself to not just be smaller, but to be better and healthier.

I Set Goals

*I didn’t get fat overnight, so I certainly wasn’t going to be skinny overnight. Countless studies tell us that we will be more successful if we set goals. If I was in it for the long haul, a goal was a must.

*Adjust your goals. As I lost more, I got more ambitious. As I looked in the mirror more, I changed my barometer for success. Your original goal might seem like settling once you get there. Don't be afraid to get ambitious.

*I set public goals. It started with a 5K. Then I registered for a half marathon. In October, I will be running the full out marathon. Public goals go hand in hand with accountability. When October comes, people will ask me about the race. If I haven’t trained, if I haven’t run, then I’m going to be called out.

                If you were looking for exact science, I’m sorry to disappoint. There are a lot of people a lot smarter than I am that can tell you all of that. At its simplest, eat less and exercise more. But I guess we all know life is often more complicated than that.  Maybe these will help.

Next time: Part Two, Why Losing Weight Matters

10 Things I would Want Some People to Know

A little while back, a few friends of mine blogged respectively on 10 Things Every Teenager Girl/Guy Should Know. One even went viral as a result of being tweeted by Alyssa Milano (If you don’t remember her, it’s time to Google). If you are looking for a much better (if not much more consistent) blog than this one you can check it out here:

http://kateelizabethconner.com/ten-things-i-want-to-tell-teenage-girls/

                Those blogs got me thinking. First, how can I go viral? Second, is my envy of those that do go viral Biblical? Just kidding…maybe. Really, my thoughts went to this- if I could have changed the trajectory of my own life, what would I have needed to know? Also, what has carried me furthest in life. Thus, the quest at hand.  And since David Letterman and now the Conner family have made the Top 10 list a norm in our society, I thought I would stick with the same format. In no particular order, here are 10 things I would want some people to know.

*Disclaimer: I used some vs. the word all because I am aware this list will not solve all of your problems, get stains out of you laundry, or help you buy beach front property.

1) Be a gentleman. Yes, it is old-fashioned to open doors for people or to say “Yes sir” and “No ma’am.” Still, I would say those things have taken me further in life than most others. In a world where new is always considered better, there are reasons why certain things stay with us for a long time. Manners help and politeness will get you further in life. You will be different from others and stand out from the crowd. That’s not a bad thing.

2) Live like there is a tomorrow.

“My parents live in Ohio. I, live in the Moment.” –Ted/HIMYM

Tomorrow, your body will hurt. Tomorrow, that person whose trust you betrayed will still be devastated. Tomorrow, you will need money to pay the power bill. Fun today never erases the regrets of tomorrow.

3) Its okay to NOT be cool. I know what you’re thinking. You’re just saying this because you’re not cool. That would certainly be a true statement. Still, “cool” is a continually moving target. As soon as you get the new clothes, others will take their place. The “must have’s” of today will be the jokes of future generations. By the way, skinny jeans are one of the many regrets of the 80’s (as are leg warmers). Skip the cool and go for original.

4) Don’t get jaded.

“Nice guys finish last.” –Leo Durocher   

  Well, he really didn’t say last for you baseball purists, but that is beside the point. As has been well documented by countless number of teen movies from the 80’s to the present, the jerks get all the ladies, popularity, blah, blah, blah. I don’t know if it’s true, but it is our perception. Possible responses to this perception in society: A) Put on flannel, move to Seattle and brood or B) Make you sure you live a life that you can be proud of. In reality, you can be a nice person and not finish last.

5) Don’t let your highs be too high or your lows too low. Stitch it on a pillow or put in on a bumper sticker, it’s a mantra that makes a difference. If the only two choices you face are, “Best Day Ever” or “Worst Day Ever,” life is going to be a constant roller coaster. Life isn’t meant to be lived in extremes, no matter what Mountain Dew commercials might say.

6) Enjoy the journey. It will make the destination that much better. So many memories are made on the way to somewhere. Speed limits are higher, planes are faster, and the world is now smaller. On your journey to graduation, marriage, or even vacation is where much of life is lived. Relationships are developed. Lessons are learned. Beauty is shown.  The destination means so much more if you enjoy the time and distance you have to cover to get there.

7) Start saving money now. All jokes aside about your wife or girlfriend costing a lot of money, this is advice that will make a difference. Don’t buy on impulse today so that you will be able to make a quality buy tomorrow. There are more rainy days that you need to save for than you could ever imagine.

8) Don’t make up lists for your ideal spouse. It is not a job application. You don’t need to see a resume’. So often I hear things like, “the woman I’m going to marry will go hunting with me, watch sports with me, roots for (fill in the blank) college football team.” You will know your future wife/husband when you meet them. A laundry list of qualities that someone could never possibly live up to, are unfair to the people you meet and will leave you lonely for a lot longer than you would like.

9) Tell people how you feel. You might not be that kind of guy. Get over yourself. Other people need to know that you care about them. It makes a difference in other people’s lives to hear phrases like: thank you, I love you, you make a difference. There will come a time when it is too late. All the words that you thought but didn’t express won’t make a difference because you held them to yourself.

10) Stop feeling sorry for yourself. While you are hosting “pity parties,” the world continues to turn. You will burn more bridges than you ever build by looking for others to validate your existence. Share what you want on Facebook or Twitter. That will forever be the snapshot of your life that you provide to others. Most people have a ready excuse for their driver’s license photo. They say things like, “It was a bad hair day,” or “I wasn’t ready.” As you troll through your choice of social media, are you proud of the portrait you have painted?

The Golden Rule

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” The Golden Rule

              I hear the phrase Jesus and the Golden Rule linked together more and more often as I view my facebook news feed, listen to fellow Christians and as I watch the news. To put the issue bluntly, I use the words of legendary swordsman Inigo Montoya-

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

As Christians, we hold a responsibility to not just quote a few verses for our own gain, but to use it as it was meant. Even further, I think that understanding said rule will take us all a lot further than where we are now.

I always have despised that term, golden rule. I remember in school being taught the rule, made to recite it from a poster above the chalk board. It was just another rule that we as human beings have felt that we need to dress up to sound better than its original source. It really became kind of like the Ten Commandments, something that many will protest for, but far fewer know or practice them. In a world of sound bites and protests, I would like to take a look back to the original source.

If you want a tag line, my BIBLE, not poster says “The Great Commandment.” Nobody walks around saying, “Commandments were made to be broken.” On the other hand, we do say that in reference to rules. Our language does make a difference. Here is the passage in question that many paraphrase but have simply not read. Further, they haven’t thought about it much either.

But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

                                                Matthew 22:34-40 (ESV)

It fascinates me how we are so often like hound dogs. We sniff around until we find the passage that proves our point. In this particular portion of scripture, society skips the beginning, reads the middle and doesn’t even bother to finish the end. If we would just read the beginning, we could identify two groups that made the same mistake in the Pharisees and the Sadducees. In case you don’t know, they weren’t Jesus’ friend. It was the reason the lawyer arrived on the scene to “test him.” The test was to see what he could get out of the conversation. This test could yield two primary results. It could result in a legal case mounted against Christ. Or it could result in an excuse for the lawyer to continue living the way he was living. What the entire group walked away with was a different result all together.

Start at the end.

“On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Right there, I realize that everything that had been preached, everything that had been written, every message that God had sent to mankind to that point in history could be put into two concise commandments. This tells me that Jesus doesn’t require me to be a walking encyclopedia of scripture. If I can’t list off every miracle He performed, that is okay. Jesus made it easy. For some reason, we have a desire to make it much easier. So often the impulse is to lead with one, almost apologizing for the fact that Jesus said it.

I suppose we could blame the media, facebook, congress, etc. The blame rests squarely with…Me. That’s right, it starts with me, you, your neighbor and anyone else that fits the bill of being a human. Take a closer look at the portion of scripture we label as the “Golden Rule.”

“Your shall love your neighbor as yourself.”         Matthew 22:39 ESV

The Golden Rule and the original Commandment are certainly similar. The foundational problem is we look at the most important person in the equation as us (i.e. yourself or you). In a therapeutic world, we start with the premise that it all runs through us. We run yelling, “See, I have to love myself! Jesus said so!” Here is the response. Slow down, you already suffer from that issue. You already love yourself.

“As long as I’ve known myself, and that is pretty much all my life, I have done whatever was in my own best self interest.”                -Me

The second problem comes in the form of permissibility. When we "love others" by a live and let live philosophy, that still comes down to our own personal self interest. Bottom line, we want leave others alone so that we will be left alone. While much more could be said about this, it would defeat the point. Here you go...

                The words that Jesus speaks in this passage serve not just to summarize the commandments but to provide a foundation so that the second command is even possible. Try as I might, I can never truly love my neighbor or others more than myself. It is too much to ask. It is the reason Christians cite such sayings as, “God doesn’t help those who don’t help themselves.” Those lines become our mantra simply we do not have it in us to love others as much as we love ourselves (by the way, God didn’t say that, Benjamin Franklin did).

                When we use just this one line to summarize all of Christianity, we in fact DO NOT summarize Christianity. This begs the question, why give this second command at all? What a waste of space. It all sounds pretty hopeless. And I would say that it is, if we were really honest with ourselves.

                But…there is something else that provides us hope. There is a command that is so powerful that not only does it form a basis for the second command, not only does it make the second command possible, but it forms foundation for existence. It forms a foundation for joy. It lays the groundwork for ME to move beyond ME.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.”

What should blow us away is that he is our God. He is Lord. So I start by loving MY God with every fiber of my being! In loving him with all my heart, mind and soul I am being obedient. I’m not sniffing for what I can get out of scripture, relationships or life. Those things open themselves in a meaningful way when I start by loving God.

                Pick a sin, any sin. There are plenty to choose from. My view of sin will be based upon who I love first. If it is me that I love the most, I will start there and work my way forward on any social issues, denominational issues or personal ones.

But, if I love God first, then I will align with Him. I will view sin in the way that He views sin. I will realize I am not Him. In that realization, I will realize I am sinful myself. This will guide to how I respond to sin in my life, in others lives, in our state, in our country and in our world. I will remember that God did not just say words, but lived them. In the face of those that persecuted Him he stayed silent. When they mocked Him, He invited a thief to Heaven. He loved the world to the literal point of death.

This passage is like most in the Bible. We can use it as Christ intended. It can be used as a base for our lives. Or, we can use it to further personal agendas. Where we go in life will be dictated by which Commandment we begin with.